Pecking insects out of the muck

 "The human intellect is like peacock feathers. It's an extravagant display intended to attract a mate. All of art, literature, a bit of Mozart, William Shakespeare, Michelangelo, and the Empire State building... just an elaborate mating ritual. Maybe it doesn't matter that we have accomplished so much for the basest of reasons. The peacock can barely fly. It lives in the dirt, pecking insects out of the muck, consoling itself with its great beauty.” Dr. Ford (Anthony Hopkins- in Westworld). 

Probably my most favourite monologues in the history of television. The show is filled with such amazing dialogues by Dr. Ford. Pop culture info aside, I think this dialogue resonates with me so much. 

In its truest sense, life's quest is quite the elaborate ritual of seeking, impressing, a partner. It's an act where humans seek constant validation. 

Look at me, from the time I heard of you and the kind of person you are, all the things that I have done, all the accomplishments, all the achievements, everything was just to ensure that I seek your validation. Is seeking validation a mating ritual? In my case it is. 

What is this validation and what is this ritual, you ask. It's whole lot of things. The act of you kissing on my forehead, the act of you yelling at me for roasting you; the act of you having your eyes glued on me in a crowded place; the act of you holding my hands in a crowded place to feel safe; the act of you snuggling up with me when you have had a bad day; the act of you kissing me good bye every morning; the act of you finishing my sentences; the act of you just tolerating me presence; the act of you ensuring that I'm cared for even when you're not around and even when we're having a fight; the act of you feeling elated when I speak of the great things that you have accomplished so far; the act of you sending me new songs saying, 'you have to listen to this'; the act of you just being unapologetic and unpretentious around me; the act of you writing tiny notes as a sign of reassurance of our love; all these are the kind of validation I seek. These and many more.

You see my love, from the time I have met you, I knew that I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to bring a smile on your face; to care, and to love you. I always thought that hopeless romantics like me will never find the kind of love we yearn for. I had given up on the quest to find love. I always believed that the silhouette that I see of a loving partner will always remain that and that I will never be able to see the person behind silhouette. 

And then I met you. Cheesy as it may sound. I actually imagined Violins and Saxophones playing in the background when you first walked up to me to talk to me. I vividly remember that day. I remember what you were wearing. I remember that nose pin (me and my obsessions with nose pins !!!). I remember the way you'd placed your glass on your head only to move it when you approached me. I remember our first handshake and I remember your smile and I remember our first conversation. It was at that moment when I knew that hopeless romantics like me still have hope. 

It was that day when I decided, that I am going to dedicate the rest of my life to just be a part of your life. And I was ready to wait, for as long as it took to be loved by you. 

All these years of accomplishments, professionally and otherwise, have all been my attempt to get your attention. To get your stamp of approval. And be rest assured, that for the rest of our lives, I shall always strive to seek validation from you. The proud look on your face when I achieve something, be it the most trivial things, is what I always want to see, then, now and for years to come. And just like the peacock, though I can barely fly(metaphorically and otherwise😜), though all my achievements are mere acts of pecking insects out of the muck, I shall reward myself with the great beauty I have in my life, You!!