Lady in the Moonlight

You know the thing about ‘almost love stories’? They’re so soothing, they’re comforting and at the same time they’re so painful. You want the anticipation to go on for a little longer in the hope that the couple would end up with each other. I think that’s what happened with us. I vividly remember our first conversation. Your incessant DMs about being my fan. I still wonder who would’ve be so mental to be my fan. But then your constant stalking, the incessant DMs and the not so ‘anonymous’ notes I found in my office eventually made me believe that you indeed had a liking for me. 

Do you remember the time when you actually made me go through a scavenger hunt to be able to get hold of your phone number? The constant messages, the constant taunts for not being able to guess your name was too much to handle. It took me a whole repertoire of names starting with the letter L and yet wasn’t even close to guessing your name. 

Then began this whole game of cat and mouse between us where I was constant lost guessing your name, trying to locate who you are and why you were stalking me. There have been instances where I had to actually get yelled at by my boss because I was so worried about finding out your identity. 

You know what was very comforting amidst all the chaos you caused? Your voice. It was so soothing and comforting. I would have such a worrying and a stressful day at work and your voice, though intriguing and mysterious in terms of identity, would often give me hope. The way you’d say Hello.. the way you called me by my name.. the way you teased me for being a very smart man but yet unable to decipher your identity and location. 

I am generally someone who is very stuck up and rigid. But the times I ever spoke with you over the phone, interacted over the DMs etc was the only time I felt comfortable being vulnerable. I knew deep down that I could share my deepest fears, my deepest secrets about what scares me the most and I knew you would welcome it. I would daily anticipate your call so much and you m’lady knew that well enough to fuck around with me. Your voice brought the joy of the moonlight on a new moon day. It was joyous, welcoming, and had a sense of hope in a world filled with hopelessness. 

It was a rainy Bangalore evening when I was finally able to decipher your name and your identity. You know that feeling you get while watching mystery movies just before the climax.. when you know you’ve finally got the plot right after 6 months and you know exactly what the ending is going to be like.. I kinda had that feeling when I was driving to office. Laughing, giggling, blushing and gleeful that I am finally going to meet the woman who has stalked me for so long. The woman who has been my comfort zone.. the woman who had been both a night mare and a soothing dream. I started wondering if that is what love stories are supposed to be like.. joyously painful. I wanted to meet you and say.. ‘busted’ or ‘gotcha’. Or maybe I wanted to just prove it to you that I am smart after all. As I was approaching your doorstep and as the final parts of the puzzle was being solved, I almost got the feeling that I didn’t want this to end. But you were there at the end of it.. you were supposed to meet me. I probably would have had no idea what I would have said. Probably I never will know. And that’s why I think ours was an ‘Almost love story’. Before I could even realise, you were gone. You were no more. I could not even fathom the fact that I felt so much pain for someone whom I never met. 

And now, after a year of your first message, I sit by the balcony, on a gloomy August evening.. I look at the moon. It reminds me of you. It reminds me of your voice. And the ‘hello’ and the army’s behind it. It also reminds me of your name starting with the letter L. You indeed were the  ‘Lady in the Moonlight’