Jhumka

This is not possible. This is absurd. This cannot be happening. I used to hate you so much. I despised you. You were always mean to me. To put it simply, you were an asshole.

 It was absurd that I found myself drawn to you so much. You had become extremely irresistible to look away from. Be it in class, be it back in the society, be it in dance class or be it in those boring parties.

I used to despise your existence. You always beat me at everything. And it all came naturally to you (or so I think). I had to put in so much effort each time to even get closer to you. We were planning on having a hate club in your name. Like the I hate Rachel club. 

All of a sudden, I would look forward to your arrival. I was lucky to be seated in the last bench. I can keep staring at your jhumkas all the while. Sometimes I'd get this urge to walk up to you and flick those jhumkas. During lunch break, while your talking to your friends, I would get drawn to come to you and tuck your fringe behind your ears. 

I would look for reasons to pick a fight with you just so I grabbed your attention. I found myself giving in to whatever you're saying. 

And when you smiled- that dimple, those braces and that spark made me feel uncomfortable in the gut. This had never happened to me. Is this what they all say is love? Was I in love with the one person I wished I never fell in love with? Or was it just a childhood crush? I never knew. 

There were so many questions I sought answers for all these years. Why was this happening to me? Was it natural to feel this way? After a point, I had given up seeking answers. Until last week when I saw you walking into our office. Is it a co-incidence that you were assigned a seat next to mine in the office? Or is it destiny? 

Since the past week all I have been doing is to ensure that I don't make a fool of myself in front of you. You must be thinking I am a dork. I've spilled coffee twice in the last week. Haven't been able to concentrate on work. I keep staring at the computer screen for hours thinking of a topic to chat with you. I finally thought of something yesterday. I turned towards you to talk. The very sight of those jhumkas and your dimples made me go blank. I had to walk out saying sutta break. Like the millions times I have walked out in the past week.

I've wanted to tell you that I am the same guy you used to fight with. I am that guy who was your neighbour who has fallen hopelessly in love with you. But I am scared you'll say you don't remember. So until you realise that, I'm gonna catch glimpses of you from the corner of my eye tucking your fringe behind your ears.